That moment of weakness

Here I am, counting minutes, waiting for the best time to leave because hope has left me... That moment of weakness when you want to cry without control and cry so much till you stop... that moment of weakness when you just wanna give up the fight and settle for less that moment of weakness that you wanna talk but the words fail you inconsistently that moment of weakness where you wouldn't mind being stuck on stupid I have had the moment a countless times but this is by far the deepest... Never have I felt this way... Never.. Here I am, waiting till I know I can walk freely and not feel down or sad, cos this is new to me... Here I am, waiting for the time it will get better because hope told me it is hopeless... I am no longer hopeful, I'm taking my broken heart with me and finding a way to get me a new life... Every time seems to get harder even when you feel like you are immune to heartbreak, but believe it or not, Lie to yourself and convince yourself its not, deep down in your heart, you are crying and that moment of weakness has failed you.. Would i give up on love? NO? YES? I really cannot say.. all I know is that Hope has given up on me... Hope is for the strong, I am not strong... Someday, maybe soon, maybe not I'd look back on this and smile.. but for now... That moment of weakness when you want to cry without control and cry so much till you stop...

Free Run

I have fallen real hard... I cannot believe it.. after the front I put up.. it still hit me, harder than I ever thought... Unimaginable denial has got me very much, but I know the truth, this is for real.. deeper than I can think.. fear has got me on my grind and I can't function properly cos i am letting two odds decide what I want for myself Whatever will be will work out perfectly is what I chant in my head, but do i really believe in this shit? why the hell would we let a human being like us dictate the way you feel and how you should function emotionally? What is love? Love is punishment, it is bittersweet and it just sucks.. I am scared.. to fall and not look back or even the fear of being hurt is not seemingly possible... I need help...

Camouflage...

okay, I have not posted anything in a long ass while! but I figured out that this is probably one of the only places I totally pour out my mind... Goshhhh!!!! I am so angry.. I see the reason why my mother never keeps friends.. Cos honestly all they do is hurt you and just never have your back... I know I am not overreacting and I am being the bigger one (as usual) and acting like its nothing, in real sense.. I am pissed as fuck! I am done mehn.. Sick of this shit and everything else.. I am done being the bigger person, I am done being the victim.. I honestly hope that after this i would let it out.. maybe I won't, maybe i will even move past it and still be friends with the ones that hurt me, maybe a lot of other things, but i will NEVER forget these things, i will NEVER let it pass... I can confidently say the only thing that is not overrated is God... :)

My motivation

Music is my greatest motivation... I can't explain how i feel with it... When I'm happy When I'm sad When I'm furiouS When I'm estatic..... My #1 ginger.. How indescribable is the feeling of hearing a song that lifts you up even when you are broken.. Fuming with rage n tears r streaming down.. I can want to dance inside and hide the smile so people don't think I'm insane... Music compliments me, how when I feel bad about myself, just one line, gets me back up... Music my first love.... I am too music.. Musically perfect, that's what I am.. What would I have possibly loved if not you, my music.... You know your strengths and weaknesses with what you love... I have identified mine as words of mouth not actions... My music.... Woe betide this love and at the same time bless you for coming to my life.. My music my other life...

MY weakness.....

Aii, can I jus start by saying that my life is right now drama intensified... Things rnt going as planned n honestly I do not know how the fuck to deal with it... Series of terrible happenings n tz jus pretty much amazing how I can smile n act like m very fine... I AM NOT FINE.. I dunno how to be.. I can't tell yu how I feel right now, I've been having mega pep talks n trust me dey haven't made me feel any better...
First things first....... My love life's a MESS.... I think this is the destroyer of every other sphere of my life... I wonder hu the fuck created love... Love is my greatest enemy... Cos wen m hurt, vri other thing jus feels bad... This is like series of heart break, how many hearts can one possibly have dat wuld b broken many times n over.. *sigh*... This year only One major and two almost! Well we can say that this only happens cos I am a spooner... X_X.. Why can't this crazy silly , annoying n SLOW right guy come already! Missed pleny opportunities dat I myt have felt was (is) the right one buh den, if it(was) truly mine, he'd be with me ain't it? LOVE is the beginning of my issues... Falling in and out.. This heart has too many wounds.. Truth be told I am honestly tired n scared... I am a pathetic, hopeless romantic... Goshhh... This is me.. Force me not to change cos it wuld be bad.... On this bike I am critically thinking of ways that I can make myself better and someone who's really smart told me few days ago that ppl act based on the impression they have about yu.. So 1st, I shall hide my emotions... Kill my feelings, be numb to the things of love.. I'd not even near it! Then... Be the best friend of myself... A new me.... Effing new... Almost purrfect in the eyes of vrione, call it pretence IDGAF, I call it strategy... Wen derz nobody with me, I shall express my self.. No more... No more... Not anymore at all.... I am fucking frustrated and tired....

The Diamond Among Stones

I wish for so many things in life, I have wants,needs and desires.
Life itself is filled with choices and its our way of thinking that affects this choices that at the end affect our lives...
I am the Diamond in the rock..
The Diamond among stones...
slowly but surely, it would all reveal itself...
I am the Dark, Chubby, Pretty lady...
I am the Diamond among stones
unique and even if imperfect
I am still beautiful
I had the most uplifting convo with my friend Funmi Odusina this morning..
Thank you I love you very much.....
I believe in myself and I believe that I would make an impact in my world
Just a little more adjustment... a little more confidence and most of all God....

public scrutiny...

This whole shit is probably the most annoying thing in life... Wen yur always talked about... The good, bad, ugly, worst things ever... *sigh* I'm tired.. Really I am... Everyday same shit... Even people dat do worse can comfortably point fingers cos dey think dey can... I hate it.. I really do, God knows I'm tired.. Rumours, hurtful truth, secrets everything is just messed up... I feel soo terrible... Wen I come in my next life, I'd come as hermes bag... Being me hurts very much... I lose a lot of respect of this, I am automatically seen as a hoe and people who wanna get to noe me, have this idea in their heads n its really hard convincing dem.. Putting yur self on the line for public scrutiny is about the worst thing dat can happen to any individual... Yu know wat, screw it all!! People dat care about me, care regardless... I shuldnt be bothered about wat the bad bele ppl have 2say... Goodnyt tho...xx