That moment of weakness

Here I am, counting minutes, waiting for the best time to leave because hope has left me... That moment of weakness when you want to cry without control and cry so much till you stop... that moment of weakness when you just wanna give up the fight and settle for less that moment of weakness that you wanna talk but the words fail you inconsistently that moment of weakness where you wouldn't mind being stuck on stupid I have had the moment a countless times but this is by far the deepest... Never have I felt this way... Never.. Here I am, waiting till I know I can walk freely and not feel down or sad, cos this is new to me... Here I am, waiting for the time it will get better because hope told me it is hopeless... I am no longer hopeful, I'm taking my broken heart with me and finding a way to get me a new life... Every time seems to get harder even when you feel like you are immune to heartbreak, but believe it or not, Lie to yourself and convince yourself its not, deep down in your heart, you are crying and that moment of weakness has failed you.. Would i give up on love? NO? YES? I really cannot say.. all I know is that Hope has given up on me... Hope is for the strong, I am not strong... Someday, maybe soon, maybe not I'd look back on this and smile.. but for now... That moment of weakness when you want to cry without control and cry so much till you stop...

Free Run

I have fallen real hard... I cannot believe it.. after the front I put up.. it still hit me, harder than I ever thought... Unimaginable denial has got me very much, but I know the truth, this is for real.. deeper than I can think.. fear has got me on my grind and I can't function properly cos i am letting two odds decide what I want for myself Whatever will be will work out perfectly is what I chant in my head, but do i really believe in this shit? why the hell would we let a human being like us dictate the way you feel and how you should function emotionally? What is love? Love is punishment, it is bittersweet and it just sucks.. I am scared.. to fall and not look back or even the fear of being hurt is not seemingly possible... I need help...

Camouflage...

okay, I have not posted anything in a long ass while! but I figured out that this is probably one of the only places I totally pour out my mind... Goshhhh!!!! I am so angry.. I see the reason why my mother never keeps friends.. Cos honestly all they do is hurt you and just never have your back... I know I am not overreacting and I am being the bigger one (as usual) and acting like its nothing, in real sense.. I am pissed as fuck! I am done mehn.. Sick of this shit and everything else.. I am done being the bigger person, I am done being the victim.. I honestly hope that after this i would let it out.. maybe I won't, maybe i will even move past it and still be friends with the ones that hurt me, maybe a lot of other things, but i will NEVER forget these things, i will NEVER let it pass... I can confidently say the only thing that is not overrated is God... :)